you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
