Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
