You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My vagina is officially offended.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
