He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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