Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
