His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
