dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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