Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
