I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
