I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
