just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
