he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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