Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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