No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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