he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
