Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
