I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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