Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
