new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
