Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
