so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
