God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
