i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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