You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
