i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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