'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's shark week go big or go home
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
