If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
