Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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