I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
