Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
