I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
