So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
