After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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