you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
