some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
