She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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