i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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