Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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