I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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