Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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