paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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