Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
