girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
