like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think i got beer on your cat.
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