I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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