Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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