***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need to sanitize my soul.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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