Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
