Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
