Got a toothbrush?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
