he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
