Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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