Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
