singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
