My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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