I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize