I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
