You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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