I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
worst night to have a conscience
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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