Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
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I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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