party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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