Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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